A lazy Sunday morning – my house is very quiet. My son is away for the weekend, no mess, no noise – oh yes, I love the fact that my student son lives at home – and I also love the solitude and the reflective time I can enjoy when no-one is around. I slept in this morning, a rare treat. The torrential downpours made dog walking impossible. In fact the dogs took to their beds in disgust so I have decided to indulge even more and spent the entire morning cuddled up in my duvet reading a great book. I love my life. But I haven’t always been in this happy place.
When I finally surfaced and came downstairs to make a late lunch I popped the radio on. The words “I have nothing if I don’t have you” being sung by the late Whitney Houston, struck a cord that belonged to my old life.
The life where I thought I would die when my partner walked out of the door. I was left feeling directionless, hopeless, locked in pain and disassociated from everyone and everything around me.
I was fortunate enough to know that if I did something about my circumstances, I would survive and eventually thrive. So I used all the resources I had available to turn my life around from thinking that if I didn’t have my partner, I didn’t have anything.
It was a journey of intense healing to come back to the one truth that matters most in life – a truth that we often only learn when going through the fire. I would volunteer to go through this yet again to get the lesson.
The truth is that YOU DO HAVE EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU HAVE YOU!
Who you are is enough and you are worthy of great love. This is the belief that underpins the foundation of a successful and happy life.
The reality is that most of us were doing really well before we met our partners. Needing a partner is very different to wanting to share your life with someone.
Neediness comes from lack, from not feeling whole, from not living life in your fullness.
When you are in the state of neediness it is because you believe you are not getting the love you want from someone. The reality is that your partner was only a mirror for that love because it flows inside of you and through you. The best place to be in, to give and receive a great love, is to be ok without it. You want to love your life regardless of whether you have a partner or not.
It’s about coming back to ourselves and living an authentic life we love. It is really about finding our passion and purpose. With or without a partner – loving life and what we do shouldn’t be any different. Yes, I know that it’s wonderful to share that closeness and intimacy, to have someone who has your back, a partner you can depend on and cuddle up to at 2am when the thought monsters decide to creep in, but it certainly isn’t a necessity to live a purposeful, rich and rewarding life.
Do you know what makes you most attractive to another? It’s when you are authentic, you love your life, you are confident, and you can connect emotionally.
In getting over my heartache and the idea that I had lost everything, I successfully used my own programme that I developed to help my clients heal their broken hearts – and I would like to share these four steps with you:
Clearing:
Clearing your space, body and mind. Getting rid of the items that were part of your connection. Putting away the photographs, clearing bedside tables and cupboards. Perhaps blocking your partner on social media forums – not out of malice and spite, but to aid the clearing part of the process so you can focus on you and are not tempted to spy or stalk an ex on Facebook
Decluttering beliefs and behaviour:
Getting rid of the beliefs and behaviour that have not served you in the past and that are certainly not serving you now.
It is important to take the first step to healing your broken heart by developing a new belief. This belief is what will underpin the work you start to do. “I have everything because I have me. I am worthy of great love and joy”, is a superb new belief to fortify your foundation.
Living the Dream:
Finding your passion and purpose again as you start to embrace a life you love – doing more of what makes you feel good. Feeling confident.
Some tips…
The tips and suggestions to how to find love again. How to approach the world of dating: The do’s and don’ts of connection. How to show up as your exceptional self.
Should you find yourself in a place where you feel you have nothing or if you know someone in distress after the ending of a relationship, here are a few practical tips for coping with each day:
- Find a professional coach or therapist to support you through the process of rebuilding again.
- Stay close to your family and friends for support.
- Get up and get dressed each day. Read and/or listen to something inspirational and motivating. Google / YouTube.
- Exercise! Yoga and walking are excellent for clarity and releasing endorphins
Much love to you
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