As a relationship coach, I spend a lot of time talking about love, personal growth, instincts, and breaking patterns…but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had to learn these lessons myself. For a long time, I believed that trusting my instincts was the key to making the right choices. What I didn’t realise was that sometimes, what felt like instinct was actually just an old, familiar pattern playing out on repeat.
I used to think that the magnetic pull I felt toward certain people was my intuition guiding me toward love. It was only when I started to look closer that I saw that my ‘gut feelings’ were often leading me back into the same dynamics that weren’t actually serving me. I had to learn how to separate true intuition from the comfort of what I already knew.
Learning to Listen to My Body
One of the biggest shifts for me was learning to tune into my body’s signals —- not just the loud ones, but the quiet ones too. There’s a difference between something feeling right and something feeling familiar and that distinction changed everything. When I started pausing to check in with myself, I noticed that the situations I thought were exciting and full of potential often came with a subtle undercurrent of anxiety. My body knew before my mind did that I was stepping into an old pattern again.
Pausing Before Reacting
I also had to learn how to slow down. My natural tendency was to act quickly, follow my feelings and just dive in headfirst—but when I started taking a breath before making decisions, I could see things more clearly. I realised that my strongest impulses weren’t always pointing me toward something good but were sometimes pulling me toward what felt familiar. And, of course, familiar doesn’t always mean healthy.
Seeing My Own Patterns
One of the most important questions I started asking myself was: Does this feel right because it’s truly aligned with what I want or just because it’s what I’ve always done?
That question alone stopped me from repeating some old cycles. The more I reflected, the more I saw how I’d been drawn to certain dynamics—not because they were right for me, but because they mirrored something I’d learned in the past. When I became aware of that, I finally had the power to make different choices.
The Courage to Do Things Differently
It’s great to understand the theory but breaking patterns happens in real life, through questioning things and making conscious changes. I had to start experimenting with new choices, even when they felt uncomfortable. Setting boundaries where I’d never set them before. Leaning into relationships that felt calm and steady rather than dramatic and intense. Trusting that a slow burn could be just as powerful as a spark.
The more I did this, the more I realised that trusting myself wasn’t about following the loudest instinct. Trusting myself was about listening deeply. Real intuition doesn’t keep us stuck. It expands us.
If you’ve ever struggled with knowing whether to trust your instincts or challenge your patterns, I see you. This work isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Every time you make a new choice, you’re rewriting the story.
