Holding space is one of the most powerful skills in any relationship, yet it’s rarely discussed outside of relationship coaching or couples therapy. Too often, when someone shares something vulnerable, the automatic response is to offer advice. While problem-solving has its place, true emotional connection comes from listening first.
The Difference Between Fixing and Holding Space
Imagine you’ve had a tough day and decide to confide in a friend or partner. Instead of acknowledging how you feel, they immediately suggest solutions: “Maybe you should try this…” or “Have you thought about doing that?” While their intention might be to help, the effect can be frustrating—you don’t feel heard, just handled.
Holding space means being fully present, allowing someone to express themselves without rushing to fix, judge or minimise their experience. It creates a safe emotional space where they can process their thoughts and feelings without interruption.
Why Holding Space Strengthens Relationships
When someone feels truly listened to, something shifts. They feel understood and safe—key ingredients for deep emotional connection. In contrast, when a conversation turns into a problem-solving session, it can leave the person feeling dismissed or even alone in their experience.
Holding space builds trust and intimacy. It sends a message: Your feelings matter. You don’t need to have it all figured out for me to be here with you. This kind of emotional support strengthens relationships of all kinds—romantic, family, and friendships alike.
How to Hold Space Instead of Jumping to Advice
Holding space is a skill and, like any skill, it takes practice. Here are a few simple tips:
- Pause before responding. Give the other person time to express themselves fully before you say anything.
- Acknowledge their feelings. A simple reflection—“That sounds really frustrating” or “I can see why that’s upsetting”—can be more powerful than offering a solution.
- Resist the urge to fix. Sometimes, people just need to be heard. Before giving advice, ask: “Would you like support, or do you just want to vent?”
Holding space doesn’t require perfect words. Presence and deep listening do far more to create connection than rushing to find a solution. The next time someone opens up to you, focus on listening first. Sometimes, feeling heard is what helps the most.
