I had a session a new client this morning dealing with her feeling of rejection because the man she met online, and has been dating for six weeks disappeared. Disappeared without a trace. Not contactable. Gone.
Sometimes in the online dating world people are not honourable or honest about what they feel – they just disappear. You can look at it this way – They’ve done you a favour. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t open, honest or able to communicate how he or she feels.
The one thing I am certain of is this:
If you are needy and desperate to have a relationship you could be setting yourself up for disaster.
In my client’s case she jumped into this new relationship very quickly – without qualifying one very important detail. Did she know enough about him before getting involved?
The next time she meets someone, she will determine whether he is the kind of man who she wants in her future because she will check in with her values and verify he has the same values. She will make sure she feels safe with him and that she can trust him, and that it’s exclusive. SHE WILL TAKE HER TIME – and if he disappears because she isn’t sexually available from early on – GOOD!
Chemistry and Charm are no guarantee that you have a good relationship. Make sure you know what you are looking for in a prospective partner. Have clearly defined boundaries about how you wish to be treated and how you would like to feel. Confirm that he or she matches the description.
Your ideal partner could be only one click away but its vital to know and be aware there are underhanded, crafty, dishonest and sometimes evil people in the dating world. They prey on the naive and vulnerable.
They are charming, persuasive, and attentive because their main objective is selfish gain. They will pursue you and convince you of their devotion.
I can recall countless stories and experiences of people being stalked, experiencing financial loss, being emotionally threatened, sexually abused and even murdered. The key is to be discerning to stay safe. Here are my top three tips for safe online dating:
When responding to someone online, never give your personal information. Not your work address, your home address or your surname. Use a dating name for your profile until you have gotten to know the person well. Under no circumstances should you disclose your financial information and NEVER give anyone you meet online money or invest in anything they may suggest. If it sounds too good to be true it usually is.
Go Slowly. Never meet anyone you have not spoken to first. Within a week of text messaging, set up a time to chat on the phone. This will give you a clearer sense of whether it’s a reasonable match for a meet-up. If someone is avoiding a voice-to-voice call, it’s a Red Flag.
While chatting, listen carefully for any inconsistencies in actions or behaviour. When you do arrange a date, make sure a close friend or family member knows where, what time and the name of the person you are meeting. Never let any new date fetch you or drop home.
Listen to your gut. When I question a new client who has experienced a relationship disaster as to whether they had any instinct early on that something was wrong, I nearly always hear the word YES. Remember that dating is not a relationship. Creating a relationship takes time. It’s a good way to get to find someone with whom you are compatible.
Determine whether this person is consistent in their behaviours and that their answers make sense. Pay attention to the red flags early on that someone may not be legitimate or honest.
Perhaps they want to know all about you but are vague or cagey about sharing details of their own life. Do they become too attentive, start declaring their love for you, use terms of endearment like “Babe”, “Darling” or “Sweetheart” or within hours or a few days? Do they take a long time to respond to messages or are they only available at very specific hours or days?
Take your time. Stay SAFE, Physically Safe, Emotionally Safe, and Financially Safe.
Protecting yourself is a matter of common sense and the best way to ensure that your dating experience is fun and successful.
Wishing you love and magical kisses