A few days ago, Caroline contacted me on Facebook with a huge dilemma. She has been dating her boyfriend Max for six months and although they have an enjoyable time together, her gut feeling was that he isn’t “the one”. When she has suggested that they take a break, he always convinced her otherwise.
She enjoys the things they do together and there is great chemistry in their relationship, however there are a number of red flags for her; he reacts very jealously whenever she speaks to anther man., he consumes more alcohol than she is comfortable with and she doesn’t feel prioritised in his life.
Caroline was looking for more clarity about her feelings as she feared making a mistake, either by staying in a relationship that wasn’t beneficial for her or leaving a relationship that was possibly worth keeping.
The one thing I am certain of after being in relationships myself, dating and coaching the many who have passed through my practice, is that it is vital to always listen to your gut feeling. It’s generally when we don’t listen to our gut or intuition that we make the emotionally and financially costly decisions in a relationship.
Many women, for whatever the reasons, stay in a relationship that is not right. It could be fear of being alone, fear of the financial uncertainty or hanging onto a relationship because there is great chemistry and very little else.
A deeper and long lasting relationship needs much more than chemistry to sustain it. You need to share the same values. Compatible values determine sustainability in a relationship.
You need a deeper connection to be part of the firm foundation to take you into a future together. Connection means that you feel safe in your relationship, knowing you can trust your partner, a sense of belonging and finally you know your partner has your back and you have his back.
How you communicate, and work through issues is another one of the keys to relationship success.
As I stated earlier, listening to your intuition – that gut feeling, is probably your best compass in navigating the path of going into a future with someone, or not.
Here are my top reasons to terminate a relationship:
Three reasons to end the relationship:
1. The challenges and obstacles you encounter far outweigh the fun. We want to experience fun in our relationships and if it’s hard work all the time we begin to dread being together. Dating a man in a new relationship shouldn’t be difficult. If it is, it’s time to end it.
2. You have different values and want different things from life. If you are into wheatgrass and he’s into cocaine, you clearly have different values. If you are want different things in life, it’s time to end it.
3. There is nothing to look forward to. The relationship is not growing and you are merely existing in a space but not sharing. Your partner is not open to getting help to work with you to grow the relationship or blames you for this – it’s time to end it.
It takes courage to step out of a relationship that isn’t right into the uncertainty of being single. After clearing your space you will be ready to attract in the wonderful partner who will make your life sparkle
I encourage you to be brave and strong enough to walk away if you are experiencing the above three reasons and find the delight with another partner who is better suited to you.
When you love yourself more, you do not settle for less than you deserve.
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Your partner in love